Last 5 WhiteBoys You Wanna Mess with in the NBA!

5) Andrew Bogut
This fiery young gluestick is an intimidating fellow. Bouncing around the paint to block shots like the Kangaroos from his homeland, the man stands 7 feet tall and weighs over 260 lbs. He's also had 9 offensive rebounds in one game TWICE. Fairly beast.

4) David Lee
Whatchu know about David Lee? This stud of a 4-man from the Knicks is a double-double MACHINE and yes, he retains full whiteboy status! He is the first Knick to have over 30 pts and over 20 rebs in a game since Patty Ewing, just breakin records previously held by superior african-american beasts!

3) Stevie Nash
Canadian, extreme blue-collar tough guy player, consecutive MVP's, battles through the pain like in the pic, what else do you want? Plus, you fuck with Steve, you fuck with Big Aristotle!

2) There is no number 2, as there simply isn't a fifth man remotely intimidating.
1) Marcin Gortat - The Polish Hammer!!!
At 7 feet, 250 lbs, and simple Iron Man status, Gortat is a scary scary man. This man ate his perogies as a child and it has paid off in his post game. With a shnoz like an aardvark, he sniffs out the ball and swats it out of the way. In conclusion, a picture of the two of the scariest men in the NBA...lookin pretty jovial actually.

An Imagined Moment: Featuring LeBron James

At the Bank
-Wattup LeBron?
-Who are you?
-Just a guy who writes a blog, you mind if I ask you some questions?
-Not at all, after all, I am an extremely personable man.
-Interesting. So what are you doing at the bank?
-Just peepin my $90 mill from nike.
-So how are the playoffs going?
-Well, we started out playin insane basketball, but those was shit teams. Rasheed had some crazy kush that week and was NOT in the game. He's their x-factor. Hamilton can shoot the jumper, but you know, he a little bitch wit a facemask. I took all those fools on when they HAD Chauncey in the 07 conference finals. single handedly!
-I'm actually a fan of Rip and the D-town, so please, refrain. What about the Hawks?
-Their best players aint "best player" material. Joe Jonhnson? Josh Smith? I shit on em. Even got Ben Wallace so open he hit a few shots in that series.
-But LeBron, how can you sound so cheery? You're down 2-1 against the Magic in a series where they're pick and roll system is taking your defense by storm! You should be down 3-0 if not for an extremely heroic shot by you at the end of game 2.
-Yea that shot was the shit. Biggest shot o my life. But uh, yeah, don't tell anyone this, but I think we gonna lose this series. Orlando actually beat us 2-1 in the season series and they just match us up in a way that we can't defend. My cast just aint good enough. I need someone else, or I'ma get the fuck outta Cleveland!
-Wow so many huge headlines in that one statement!! I can't believe you broke that to Interruption has Been Pardoned first!!!
-What you talkin bout? This conversation actually just took place in your mind you psycho. Go Yankees!

Crunch Time

What's good in the hood sports fans? I hope we've all been keeping up to date on the wings, blackhawks, penguins and most importantly hurricanes. I hope everyone was a "witness" to LeBron and co's 3rd (but really only 2nd) loss in the slickly named Quicken Loans Center. I hope everyone realizes the Magic are undefeated when Dwight Howard breaks the shot clock with a dunk that would have set Bill Walton's hair aflame. And lastly, but certainly not least, I hope we have all been thoroughly enjoying this southwestern-slugfest between the LA Lakers and the Denver Nuggets.
"Shit be goin good, but good can turn to better". As is the case with professional sports. Late May is a time when every franchise in the NHL and NBA still playing games needs to check themselves and ask what they can do to turn their team's season from a good one to a championship one. Predictions? The Stanley Cup Finals is headed for a rematch. But this time, especially if Malkin shows up to play, the hungry Pittsburgh Penguins will take one home. But now onto more important things. The wonderful, racially diverse game of basketball.
Let me just lay this on the line for my buddy T.M. Wiliamson at Trueball.wordpress.com (a savvy blog nonetheless), but I would take my Chauncey Billups over his beloved CP3 in a championship run anytime. It has always been my opinion that (to a certain extent) experience, maturity, and basketball wisdom wins more championships than great numbers. No, Chauncey does not average 22 and 11 or whatever CP3 does. But he was easily the single biggest addition to any team in professional sports this year, turned Melo from a good player into a top 5 player (words from Carmelo himself), and coaches the young Nuggets squad like a guy who's been to many conference finals and has a chip. And best of all, Chauncey has the balls to bounce the ball off Kobe's back in an inbound play to himself and lay it in, and it should've been an And 1. So yes, I'm expecting tons and tons of beef calling out CP3 like that, because I myself admit he is the better point guard, but sometimes experience just wins out. Another one of my main concerns with Paul is that he did not necessarily get better this year. He was more fun to watch last year and took his team to the second round of the playoffs and almost the conference finals, losing a game 7 at home to the Spurs if I recall correctly. Once again, before you all throw your computers, I admit CP3 is the best PG in the NBA right now, but Chauncey is playing phenomenal basketball in the western conference finals, something Paul has never had the opportunity to do.

Anyway, in terms of predictions, I think the Lakers will win. I am really really pulling for the Nuggets and would love to see Chauncey win a second championship, but I think these finals are primed for Kobe-Lebron. Which brings me to the east.
The Magic shocked the Cavs in game 1, coming back from a 15 point halftime deficit. Dwight Howard put the team on his gigantic watermelon shoulders and dunked it exactly when he needed to, and dished it out to the perimeter when they doubled him for Rashard or Hedo to bury their consistent 3 balls (not to mention Johnson, Pietrus and Alston, all of whom can shoot the 3 above average). But not to worry Cleveland fans. The Cavs have not had to make an adjustment these whole playoffs, and I'm confident that the coach of the year and the MVP will have a slight idea what to do about it. There is one huge problem for the Cavs though, and that problem goes by the name of Zydrunas Ilgauskus and looks exactly like the bad Russian guy in "Fargo". Big Z cannot do anything on defense against two awesomely powerful Magic Post-men, D-Howard and The Polish Hammer, GORTAT!!!! If the Cavs can somehow solve this problem, maybe get Joe Johnson to play some physical d, and try to get as much help from LBJ as possible, the Cavs' offense will be near impossible to keep up with. Keep in mind that Cleveland was easily the defensive team of the year, but also the most chemically charged offensive squad in the NBA as well.
When the finals tip off on June 4th, I'm confident game 1 will be in the Quicken Loans Arena and the opponents dressed like Ludacris's weed, Yellow wit dat Purp. I apologize for this post being very ranty and tangenty, but hey, it's a blog, not a wedding toast (Although that woulda been one hell of a wedding toast).

Nuggets Homeless for Game 4

Stan Kroenke's Denver Nuggets, the second seed in the NBA's western conference, are just that. The SECOND seed. So of course, the Pepsi Center (the arena in Denver) is booked solid on potential gamenights right up until the last potential date for a finals game 7. Unfortunately for Nuggets fans, next monday the Pepsi Center is booked, but not for Carmelo, Chauncey and the hottest team in basketball. It's booked for WWE's Monday Night Raw, and it's already sold over 10,000 tickets!!! Do you smell what the Kroenke is cookin?
The point is this: If the owner of the Nuggets, a team that has been playing well all season and has always been in the playoff race, did not have enough faith in them to make it to the conference finals, then how are the fans supposed to have the faith? Luckily, this story did not come out until, well, Kroenke realized he was gonna get busted anyway if Carmelo showed up to his locker next monday to find the Undertaker lacing up his American Badass boots, or gravedigging boots, depending on how the Undertaker is feeling this year. So the fans did keep their faith without knowing the pessimistic forecast of their owner. But eventually, Mr. embarrassed owner came clean, and commish David Stern said he is staying out of this. "Vince Mcmahon and Stanley Kroenke will have to deal with this themselves" said a stern Stern. This has hell in a cell written all over it, and just in time for summerslam!!!

Big Baby makes a push into greatness!

As been made public before, I am not a fan of the Boston Celtics, but, I do admire their up and coming PF Glen Davis. First of all, he is likely the heaviest guy in the NBA. His wide, stocky body would make you think he's lining up every sunday to protect a Quarterback in the NFL, not hitting buzzer-beating jump shots on mondays. Second, he is in the headlines right now for pushing a young Orlando fan after hitting the said shot. Now this was not a taunt push, or intimidation to a fan (which I hope would be way beyond any professional athlete besides J.O. and Artest). It was simply "I'm so excited and I'm swingin my arms, so get outta my way". It was fine, and he should not have to apologize. Regardless, this is a hilarious highlight to watch. The fan is absolutely devastated at the shot Glen hits, and then is startled when he comes barreling down the floor in celebration and gets pushed by the game winner himself. Now that the kid's father's reaction has surfaced (one of the pussiest, lamest things I've ever heard) I would have loved to have seen Big Baby hit the shot and turn around and punch the kid square in the nose and say something like, "You just got knocked by Big Baby Davis bitch". Something blunt like that. In general, I would like to see more fan pushing.

GAME 7 TONIGHT

Hopes are on the capitals, moneys on the penguins...in turn, hopes are on the penguins. Hoo ah!

NBA - State of the Union

Here's my rundown of what's going on in the NBA right now:

LA Lakers vs. Houston Rockets: This series has been back and forth but last night I think LA sealed the deal for themselves. The Lake Show won the game by 40 and their starters basically rested the entire fourth quarter. Houston looks done like dinner. But this series has revealed some very positive things for Rick Adelman's Rockets. First, they know how to play shutdown defense on some of the NBA's best players. Second, the emergence of Aaron Brooks in this series has been shocking but delightful for the rockets. In game 4, when Houston was supposed to lose by 30 because of no Yao Ming, they WON by a huge margin and Aaron Brooks scored over 30 pts. There is no doubt in my mind that by the end of next season he will be regarded as one of the western conferences elite point guards, and yes, there are many. But as for now, Kobe, Pau, Lamar and Phil Jackson are too determined. They responded exactly as they needed to last night, and should have no trouble wrapping up the series to get a trip to the conference finals.

Denver Nuggets vs. Dallas Mavericks: It's really unfortunate for Dallas that the guy making all the headlines on their squad isn't even a player. The flamboyant Mark Cuban (the team's owner) swears at the refs (and Kenyon Martin's mom) more than KG does to himself on the bench. But let's talk basketball. Yes, Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Kidd, Josh Howard and Jason Terry are all very good players. The trouble is, the Mavericks play by far the worst team-oriented basketball in the playoffs right now. Dirk's signature fade-away jumper requires no ball movement whatsoever and many of their other offensive executions require mainly one-man shows. I am yet to see an amazing TEAM play from the Mavs. Unfortunately, they're down 3-1 to the Nuggets, who play phenomenal team basketball, and use each other to put points up (perhaps with the exception of JR Smith who likes to launch it from wherever he feels appropriate. The thing is, it usually goes in for JR). It's pretty clear that the Nuggets will take this series and meet the Lakers in the conference finals; and that my friends, will be an amazing, amazing, sporting event. By the way, is Carmelo for real these days? If Carmelo Anthony plays like he has been lately when the Nugs meet the Lakers and Chauncey Billups stays healthy and productive, the Nuggets are my pick to win the west. In fact, the Nuggets will win the conference if Carmelo Anthony scores over 25 pts every game, ya dig?

Boston Celtics vs. Orlando Magic: This is the best series in sports right now behind the NHL's Capitals and Penguins. The defending champions are playing with a tenacity that has been expected. Ray Allen is easily the most clutch in the NBA right now, hitting another huge three-ball to take the lead in and eventually win game 5 last night. The key to the Magic's comeback will be the ability of Dwight "Superman" Howard to be a FRANCHISE player. Can Dwight save the franchise, when they need it most, and save Orlando from losing to the Celts? Can he rebound, dunk, and defend like crazy? Can he be Bill Rusell for two games and not let points be scored in the post? Simply put, no, he cannot. While I am a huge fan of Howard, his lack of offensive game is the entire Magic's kryptonite, and in general they're not an extremely exciting team to watch. Dwight is an entertaining athlete to watch, but for me its almost as entertaining seeing that man in a suit (no homo). This is an interesting situation for me as a fan. I HATE the Boston Celtics, and don't mind the Magic. but I'm cheering for Boston because I want to see LeBron get payback for last year. While I don't like Boston, I have to admit they play such entertaining basketball and find themselves in many exciting series. And mainly, like I said, I wanna see LeBron shit on these guys.

Cleveland Cavaliers vs ????: Here ye, Here ye, The pride and glory of Professional sports right now, LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers. They have swept two consecutive series winning EVERY SINGLE GAME by double digit margins. Phenomenal. Like, just great! LeBron is awesome and so are they. But, and this is a Mariah Carey BUT, they have not faced a good team yet. Pistons? Falling apart. Hawks? Up and comers still trying to find themselves. However unlike most, I see this as an advantage. While the Lakers and Nuggets have been wearing themselves down and will continue to do so ten-fold against each other, LeBron has been "chillin with his kids, watchin madagascar 2 and stuff like dat". He has been mentally prepping for the Conference finals and in turn the NBA finals (take it from a man who knows, Madagascar 2 gets you pumped). He will have lots of strength when he has to face a tired Lakers or Nuggets squad. By the season's end, King James will finally have his crown. BOOM. Enjoy a semi-related video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9N-E3HjnZ7U

TOUCHDOWN

There are 3 touchdown passes I want to witness this upcoming NFL season.

1) Brady to Moss. This connection was the pride and joy of the 07/08 season when Brady threw 50 td's and moss caught 23, both season records. TB12 of course missed all of last season after Bernard Pollard of the Chiefs gave the rest of the league a security blanket and knocked out his knee. Moss however continued to shine with Matt Cassel. But according to New England, Tom's rehab went famously, and I'm anticipating big things from both him and Randy.

2) Brett Favre to Percy Harvin. Need I say more? Well I will. This is looking like more and more of a possibility each day. Childress continues to talk with Brett at "undisclosed locations" (knowing Brett, probably Hooters) and the chance of seeing "Favre" written on the back of a Vikings jersey this season continues to grow. Percy Harvin, Minnesota's touted draft pick, is a guy who knows how to have fun (just check his urine from the draft), but more importantly, an extremely talented wideout. Seeing the 40 year old Favre connect with the rookie Harvin would be one for the ages, and probably the highlight reel.

3) Anyone to Plaxico Burress, or Michael Vick to Anyone. No comment.

Ovechkin: Sick Game

Last night in game 2 of the Capitals/Penguins series, both Sidney Crosby AND Alex Ovechkin had hat-tricks. Both players were absolutely phenomenal but someone else on Washington managed to score as well while no one other than Sid could pop one by Washington's Varlamov, leading to a 4-3 Caps victory. The real difference and the blog-worthy part of this game came in the post-game press conference however.
Sid took the podium like a blue-collar guy ready to get back to work. "It's never a good sign when someone on the other team scores three goals, I didn't like all the hats being thrown on the ice, etc. etc." Hey, Crosby, SHUT THE F*** UP. You just gave the NHL one of the best games its ever seen! You scored your first career playoff hat-trick, granted you lost the game, but observe the situation with some objectivity and realism for once. Admit what happened out there was awesome and maybe a step forward for the game of hockey itself. Or, just whine. Whine like you always do.
Enter Alex Ovechkin. "Sick game! Sick three goals by me, sick three goals by him!" DAMN RIGHT. And said in that hilarious Russian accent, it sounded all the more fun-loving. Some of you may disagree with me, but I think Ovie would have said something similar had the Capitals lost the game because Alex knows how to have fun. He is able to appreciate the rarity of what happened in that game, and unlike Crosby, he doesn't think it's necessarily a terrible thing that a guy on the other team is scoring three goals, at least it's putting the NHL on the map!
Here's the final word, Ovechkin is the attitude the fans and the league want, Crosby is the guy you want on your team. Sid wants to win and nothing else matters. While this is the kind of attitude that is heralded in professional sports, it's not the one fans want. For example, Shaq vs. Tim Duncan. Terrell Owens vs. Marvin Harrison. And now, Ovechkin vs. Crosby. One's a show, one's a joe.
But hey, Duncan, Harrison and Crosby are the ones with the championships, or at least the playoff wins (in Crosby's case). But what I love about Ovechkin is that despite his foreign heritage, the way he carries himself is anything but. He seems to realize that this modern world of professional sports is a world of hype, attention, twittering, blogging, and making a splash. This is where Ovechkin greatly outshines Crosby, the media game (this is also what people say Lebron James does so much better than Michael Jordan). 30 years down the road, Ovie will be the one you want to catch for a quick interview if he's attending a game. He provides the humor and has a knack for the spotlight. He looks like having fun is important to him, and winning isn't all that matters, unlike Canada's Crosby. Oh, also, Ovechkin scores shitloads more goals. Sorry Sid.

Are the Lakers still the obvious favorite?

At the beginning of these NBA playoffs I figured the Lakers would cruise to the NBA finals and eventually win the championship. But as the Denver Nuggets keep getting big wins, L.A. is slowly becoming the second best team in the west. Here's the deal: The Lakers have three players who can be dominant when they're all clicking, Kobe, Pau and Lamar Odom. But the Nuggets are stacked player after player who have thus far been labelled as underachievers in their careers but are now reaching an extremely high level of play. Carmelo Anthony, JR Smith, Kenyon Martin and Nene ALL have the ability to average over 20 pts a game, not mention Chris the birdman Andersen on defense who is second in the league in blocks. And with Chauncey Billups running the point, they look like a championship-caliber team.
After the Nuggets smoked the New Orleans Hornets in game 4 of the first-round series by a comical 58 pts, their momentum hasn't let up, even when Disco Dirk came out firing this afternoon. No worries for George Karl's squad. They applied perfect defensive schemes and came out on top 109-95.
Phil Jackson has reason to be worried about his next ring. I would still call his team the front runner for the title. But, I think Denver is more likely to beat the Lakers than Cleveland is. Denver has an extremely poised and skilled point guard who knows how to win championships. Their energy as an all around team cannot be matched by any other in the league, and they have the big men to control the versatile duo of Gasol and Odom. The Cavs on the other hand are riding on home court advantage (which as we've seen so far matters ALOT in the NBA) and one other thing: The best player in basketball. Be afraid Kobe, be very afraid.

Capitals win, I lose

I had a pro-line riding on the Penguins this afternoon. But unlike my prediction, Washington looked pretty sharp at home. That is all.

Boston/Chicago Game 7!!!

Tonight's the night. Tonight is the god damn night for the Bulls! This young squad is going to go into the Boston Garden and show these old-man Celtics that they aint shit without their oldest man.
Do I really believe that? I wish. Unfortunately, The Boston Celtics have won more game 7's than any other franchise in the NBA. The Chicago Bulls on the other hand, have won 0 game 7's on the road, not even with MJ. This is something they must do tonight against the defending world champs. Chicago has been absolutely magical in this series, but if I was a betting man, I'd bet their season ends tonight, in regulation.
I HATE the Celtics. But Paul Pierce, Ray Allen and Rajon Rondo are all going to come out firing tonight and those are three of the most dangerous players in the league right now, not to mention the extremely consistent Kendrick Perkins. The jury's still out on Big Baby. Regardless, this is a veteran squad that knows how to win Game 7's, and they won 3 last year.
The Bulls can win. They can. But as I sit here watching game 6 again, the Bulls won that game because they took advantage of the Celtics' mistakes. If Ray Allen and Eddie house would have had their foot on the line for their long 2 balls at the end of that game, they perhaps would have won. If Boston continues to make these sloppy errors, Chicago could take advantage. I think Boston will be sharper than ever though, and it pains me to say it. (Hey, dont worry fellow haters, LeBron and Mo Williams are LICKING THEIR CHOPS).
My prediction: Boston wins by 10 in regulation. My Hope: Chicago wins by 1 in triple overtime. My Schedule: Going to Wasabi with the family at 7:30 so I'm gonna have to PVR this thing. NO TEXTS PEOPLE. NO TEXTS.

What the Favre?!?!

Well, It's May. Spring is in the air, NBA and NHL playoffs are ruling the airwaves, exams are wrapping up, and like clockwork, Brett Favre is thinking about playin' some football again. THINKING about it is all they're saying though. Pardon The Interruption (not The Interruption has been Pardoned) reported earlier this week that Favre asked TWICE to be released from the New York Jets organization so he could "retire". Now why would a player be so adamant about having his rights released if he were gonna do nothing but watch the 09/10 season on his LCD bigscreen anyway?
Something doesn't add up right? Right! Guess what? Brett wants to play again. No questions asked. And judging by this picture, Sports Illustrated may also have a feeling Brett aint done.
After his final season with the Green Bay Packers, Favre sat at the pressbox and cried his wholesome-as-corn tears out as he announced his retirement. Sports fans thought it was sad, I thought it was pathetic. If Glen Davis is Big Baby then Favre is Big Loser. Just as a sidenote, does anyone here recall Michael Strahan's retirement? "World, I won the superbowl, it's been a slice, I'm goin out on top, Peace!" And guess what? We never saw the man in uniform again, nor will we. (Yes, I know, measuring oneself against the Stray Dogg can be bad for anyone's self image, unless we're talkin teeth).
But not good old Brett. This sad sack of shit cried his eyes out over his retirement, decided to come back and see if Green Bay would take him back again, cause one of the greatest quarterback controversies of all time, put his good friend Aaron Rogers in an awkward position to say the least, and basically oust himself from Packer greatness. One of, if not the most legendary Green Bay QB of all time quickly became the lamest. (Props to Bart Starr, a man who understands retirement).
After a media melee, Favre signed for 6 billion dollars for one year with the Jets. He led them to a promising start too, only to have it absolutely shatter near the end when it mattered. Kind of a good metaphor for his whole career actually.
So now what? He's been released by the jets after I believe an 8-8 season (not sure about that one) only to twiddle his thumbs again. But as Wilbon said, which team will get their private Jet to wisconsin first, the Redskins or the Vikings? Because both organizations are clearly desperate enough at quarterback, judging by interest in by both teams in the availability of both Matt Cassel and Jay Cutler. (And let's just say if Sage Rosenfels is being flown in, your QB situation is DIRE).
And believe you me avid readers, also desperate enough is Brett. He can't leave football alone no matter how hard he tries. He's the kind of guy who gets a stiffy from the swine flu panic cause it reminds him of pigskin. He loves beer. He advertises for Wrangler jeans. He has a salt and pepper due and a cannon of an arm. Granted, Brett Favre is the definition of an NFL QB.

But pleaaaaaassseee Brett. You already lead the league in TD's, you lead the league in interceptions, you lead it in gayness. If you come back, you're just gonna add a little to all three. Do yourself and all of us a favor: Buy a pair of levis and enjoy football how it's meant to be enjoyed...on a crispy high definition television.

Copy and paste the link below for an in depth look at the projected cover

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3136/2690700258_ddafab5eee_o.jpg

Heat/Hawks tonight

D Wade and my Miami Heat better lay Josh Smith OUT tonight. Last game, up 20 points in the fourth quarter, Smith had a clear path to the basket and decided to attempt a through-the-legs dunk that failed miserably. Wade called it offensive, and I called it hilarious. The fact that he missed it by so much was almost enough justice for me, being a heat fan, but look for Jermaine O'neal or Udonis Haslem to establish a body on Smith early. GO HEAT GO!